we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
