Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
