I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
