Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
