Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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