I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
