My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
