We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
