Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
