Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
