My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
