hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
