apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
