i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
