i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
