A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
