OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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