My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
