Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
