i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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