Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
