Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
