dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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