wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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