Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
two words: eviction party
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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