Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
