Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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