____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do vagina's smell?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
