You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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