If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
