It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
