there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
