Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
