I'm really into asian looking animals
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
