i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
