but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
