I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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