dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
