They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this hospital has no fireball
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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