He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
