In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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