all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
