He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My dick has a subreddit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
