drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
