We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
