Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
