Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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