i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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