I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize