imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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