i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
