Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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