It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize