Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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