u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
