life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
