(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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