Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
