Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
