i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
