YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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