I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she smelled like a LAN party
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
