I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
