We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
