drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
