as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
