omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
