I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize