she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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