apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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