It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
