K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
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i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize