Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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