there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
