that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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