Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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