my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
