Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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