Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
