I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
